2015

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I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions. Setting a goal for the rest of the year? Those are so hard to keep. I’m trying something new this year, inspired by many other blogs I read. I’m trying to do something different each month. I find that short-term goals work best for me (hello ADHD!) so I don’t get so discouraged or distracted. 31 days is a much easier commitment than 365. Also, I’m only setting several small goals for the next 2 months because we all know how life changes so quickly. Who knows what my life will bring come next December? I will evaluate come March and proceed from there.

January:

  1. Less phone time and social media. I had my husband change my Facebook password and deactivate it so I can’t get on if I tried until at least January 31st. Facebook is a huge time suck and I often find myself thinking “Why would you post that? It’s so annoying” and then I remember, oh yea, I don’t need to be reading this stuff I don’t care about. I have kept my Twitter, which I don’t really use or read, and my Instagram, which I find isn’t too much of a time suck. I also want to try put my phone away from after work until I go to bed at night and spend quality one-on-one time with my husband. Hopefully he will join me in this one (hint, hint, Mangosquash!).
  2. To be less gossipy and negative about others. This is, unfortunately, going to be difficult. I find myself being negative about others when they don’t deserve it. I want to try to be more open to their thoughts and opinions, even when I don’t really care. With that, I want to stop gossiping. If I am so private with my own life and information, why do I feel like I can spread others information so freely? This will hopefully be a long-term goal, but I need to start somewhere.
  3. Drink less. Specifically no alcohol from Monday-Thursday when we are at home.
  4. Blog every two weeks. I have been very inconsistent and I’d like to improve.

February

  1. Get back to running/the gym at least twice a week. Since my surgery last March, I really have not ran or exercised consistently, and it BREAKS my heart. I’m currently still going to PT for unrelated hip and back pain issues and hope to get the go-ahead to run again soon. I do have permission to bike and elliptical, but I just haven’t. Lazy Lydia. I also should take my dog for more walks.
  2. Keep the house picked up and in decent shape at all times. We have a terrible habit of leaving clutter out because people come to our house so rarely, which results in a scramble to clean when the time comes, which also results in me getting extremely cranky. Before bed I’d like the kitchen to be dish-free and wiped down, clothes picked up, bathroom free of clutter. Why is this so hard? My house is like 950 sq ft.

2015, I have a feeling this will be our year. We’ve got lots of hopes and dreams that depend on you being awesome 🙂

An Ode to my boyfriend, Joe.

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Trader Joe’s. A magical place, to say the least.

There are so many things to like about TJ’s. For the majority of their items (not fresh produce), they are budget-friendly. I have a hard time spending more than $20 every shopping trip and that usually includes some wine and maybe some meat. Their employees are THE FRIENDLIEST (I say this as an extreme introvert), most helpful, and usually silly people. Also, food/juice/coffee samples, need I say more?

Growing up in West Michigan, Trader Joe’s was but a dream to me. The closest one was 2ish hours away in a part of the state I never frequented. It wasn’t until I started visiting St. Louis during our dating years that I ever got to venture inside one. I was overwhelmed and underprepared for what TJ’s had in store for me and my future as a grocery shopper.

Since securing my first full-time job and moving to the Lou, I’ve been lucky enough to have a Trader Joe’s right on my way home. At this point, I stop in two or three times a week and do the bulk of my grocery shopping there. We’ve tried tons of their TJ brand goodies and have our favorites that are staples in our house.

  1. Hummus ($2)

Their hummus is hard to beat. The price and flavor options are incredible. My favorite is the roasted garlic, but also like the red pepper.

  1. Pita Chips ($2)

Little known fact about some of TJ’s goodies: many of their own label foods are actually name-brand but repackaged. The chips are one of those products. These are Stacy’s Pita Chips sold for half the price and the same quality and flavor options.

  1. Salsa Autentica ($2, are you sensing a trend??)

You know the salsa you get served on the table at a real Mexican restaurant? This comes pretty damn close to that. This classic salsa tastes fresh (surprising for a jar) and has a good amount of heat.

  1. Coconut Milk (99c)

In 2014, I’ve really gotten into making my own curry. This main ingredient costs twice as much at the regular grocery store and tastes just as good.

  1. Various oils ($4-$6ish)

TJ’s olive and coconut oils are fantastic. I’m not an oil snob, so it’s not hard to impress me, but I have read many fantastic things about how TJ’s organic coconut oil is cheaper than most and same quality.

  1. Tea ($2)

My absolute favorite tea, Candy Candy Green Tea (basically delicious minty-vanilla-holiday happiness), comes from here. They also offer many herb and black varieties. Everything I’ve tried is good. Full disclosure: I am not a tea snob that knows much about teas.

  1. Gluten-free offerings ($2+)

While I personally am not gluten-free, I have two loved ones who are. I sympathize with them when they grocery shop and have to pay double the price for most pastas/bread/whatever. TJ’s is great for GF shoppers. They carry flour, pancake mix, brownie mix, pastas, bread, crackers, what-have-you, all at affordable prices. They’re all decent quality (there are some high-quality GF products out there that blow these out of the water, but cost 3x the price), and definitely worth a try if you or someone you care about is GF. A lot of their GF products are also dairy- and soy-free, which is super great, because a lot of times those food allergies go hand-in-hand.

  1. Spices ($2)

Again, I’m not picky or a world-renowned chef, but their bottled spices are hard to beat. The same quality and less expensive than their name-brand counterparts.

  1. Pizza Dough ($1.19)

Jon and I have been into making cast iron skillet pizzas lately. With one dough ball from TJ’s, we can make two personal pizzas. Easy, cheap, and better for you than take-out! They have garlic herb, white, and whole wheat varieties.

 

There you have it. My favorite Trader Joe’s offerings. I would, however, be remiss if I didn’t also mention the items that we just don’t care for. The list is short.

  1. We have tried their various tortilla styles a few different types and just don’t care for it. Also, these are more expensive than the main grocery store.
  2. Ground beef. We’ve tried it several times in tacos and stuffed peppers and something is just off.
  3. Fresh Produce. While it’ll do if you’re there and don’t want to make another stop (guilty!), the prices aren’t great and they aren’t the freshest. Stick with their frozen or bagged veggies (their organic spinach is only $2!).

Honorable Mentions:

Cookie Butter
Dog Treats (no artificial fillers!)
2-buck chuck (the cab sauv isn’t half bad for the price)
TJ’s brand beer
Various crackers
Tortilla chips
Chocolate bars
Peppermint Joe-Joes

“So what do you do?”

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As an introverted young adult with still no idea what I want to be when I grow up and a job that I’m not particularly fond of, this question causes me more anxiety than being asked “so when will you have babies?”.

Why does it matter what I do?

I feel like this question has become a basis on which I am judged. That whatever my answer is, will provide the asker with a quick synopsis of my education, skills, and financial situation, 3 things that don’t define who I am. This quick judgment makes me feel uncomfortable and like the person asking doesn’t really want to know about ME.

I am so much more than my seemingly dead-end job.

I am an aspiring chef!

I am a dog lover and cat snuggler.

I am a wannabe half-marathoner.

I am a lazy person.

I am a former soccer, softball, tennis, and volleyball player and dutch dancer.

I am a good listener.

I am an avid reader.

I’m the best aunt to my BFF’s little Leah.

I love spending time kissing my husband.

I love spending my summers driving to Michigan as much as possible.

I’m a pretty good sister.

I enjoy drinking beer and talking for hours.

I hate spending too much time in large groups.

I was made to be a mom.

When I get asked what I do (which happens more and more frequently as I get older), I cringe before I give a quick answer of “Oh, I’m a social worker.” I hate the response I get for that: “oh you must see such sad things!” “oh you are so selfless and patient and kind” (spoiler- I’m not really. I often tell my husband I’m a princess) “Oh that must be hard” “Do you take children out of their families?” While yes, I do see sad things, and yes, it can be challenging, my job is not my passion or life and it doesn’t define who I am at all. I’ve come to just saying “I work at LFCS” and leave it open ended and vague (I love vague and hate giving personal details about anything).

I know I’m not the only person who feels this way. My friend is in a job rut right now, too, and was instructed not to tell his Grandmother for fear of her response.

WHY?

Well, 1., because Grandma is a (wonderful) crazy person and you don’t want to hear her abrasive opinions,
and 2., because to her, your job and well-being defines success. I don’t like that.

My success will come from raising my children to be kind, gentle, and God-loving creatures.

My success comes from my AWESOME marriage.

My success comes from my friendships and relationships with my family.

My success will be once I finally cross that finish line of the half marathon I so desperately want to run.

My success comes when I try a new recipe that turns out fantastic.

My success will come from providing for my family, sure, but only so I can do the things that actually make me, me.

Don’t ask me what I “do”.

Ask me about who I am.

And then help me find a new job 😉

Mangosquash

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If you know me in real life, you know that I’m borderline obsessed with my husband, mangosquash. I feel so lucky because he loves me so much and treats me so well. I honestly question most days how I scored him as a spouse for life. Poor guy got stuck with me.

So the other day I was cooking up a gourmet frozen pizza and remembered how before we met, I never ate frozen pizzas. I kept thinking about all the things he brought into my life and decided to make a list. This is by no means comprehensive.

  1. Frozen Jack’s Pizzas

I never in a million years would buy frozen pizzas for myself. I thought they were icky and cheap and full of preservatives. Turns out, they’re actually pretty tasty. I like to throw on lots of extra mozzarella for super gooey cheesy bites.

  1. Hot Sauce

I used to be a wimpy eater. I didn’t like spice at all. I’d avoid chili and wings and curries for fear of not enjoying my food if I was in pain while eating it. Now I’m all “FRANKS RED HOT ON ALL THE FOODS!” Jon likes things super spicy so I’ve started making most dishes with a kick to them. I’m growing.

  1. Chicken Wings

Another thing that I used to never eat. Not necessarily because I didn’t like them, but they just weren’t a part of my life. But when Jon and I first started dating, we would go on double dates weekly with 2 other friends to Buffalo Wild Wings. They are now a whole food group in our house. Spicier the better.

  1. Camp Arcadia

Jon grew up going to this magical land for most of his childhood, and when we met, he had just been hired back for his second summer on staff. I was able to celebrate his (extremely drunken) 21st birthday with him there at the lone bar in town, the Big Apple (may it RIP, but also is reopening next summer). It didn’t take long for me to fall in love it with; camp is a quiet, beautiful place right on the shores of Lake Michigan. There are so many wonderful lifelong friends we have there. Jon’s parents now own a house up in Arcadia so we are able to bring our precious pooch with us. We love it so much, it was the obvious choice for our wedding and reception over 2 years ago.  It also conveniently worked out in such a way that my hometown, Holland, is literally on the way up to camp from STL, so this enables us to visit my parents each time we go up to camp. We already talk about the days where we can bring our children up and teach them to swim and give them the same experience Jon enjoyed so much.

  1. Ultimate Frisbee

Jon isn’t by any means “athletic”, but he does love playing ultimate Frisbee. He played in college on the club team and for intramurals, and now back in STL he joined the local summer league. When I moved here, I joined him for a summer and love it. Already looking forward to next summer when I can (hopefully!) participate in active sports again. This summer I sat out due to my surgery.

  1. Puppies

Not that I didn’t already think puppies weren’t the cutest little things ever, but I never really loved dogs themselves. Jon grew up with dogs his whole life so I knew it was inevitable that it would be something he would want for us. I found an adorable pup on Craigslist that I HADTOHAVE and since he really wanted a dog, he agreed. Since getting our pup I now love and appreciate every single dog I meet (and I meet a lot. Owning a dog makes you very social).

Ok, so this list kind of sucks. Moral of the story, though, is that I am so thankful for a man that pushes my comfort level and encourages me. Love you sweetheart!

Letters.

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My dear sweet husband,

Cheers to two years of marriage! We did it. Things haven’t always been easy, but they haven’t really been hard, either. Life is easy with you. It’s nice to do life with you. To have you to make me laugh and dance in the kitchen with. To have you to drive me to Michigan because I hate driving myself. To have you to lay on the couch and giggle with. To have someone to plan the next steps of our path with. Here’s to the next two, two dozen, two hundred years. You are just right for me. 

Do you guys believe in soul mates? When I was a kid, the thought appealed to me. The idea that there is a person out there that was made for just you, and you had to find that person. Like in a fairytale. Well I’m not sure if soul mates are a real thing or not, but I do know that my sweet mangosquash is one of a kind. He is kind, but fierce in the way he loves his friends and family. He is extremely humorous, but poised and articulate in the way he speaks about something he believes in. He is goofy, yet sweet and honest and would never hurt anyone. I know that I am the luckiest that he loves ME and that he has promised to be my mine forever. Blah blah blah mushy stuff. Love you, sweetheart. Let’s do this thing.

The Great Becker Chili

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I love to cook. More than that, I love to cook food that my husband adores. There are 3 things that will always elicit a squeal of delight from him while eating: pizza, french onion soup, and chili. Specifically, this chili.

This chili is unlike any I’ve ever had. Before making this for the first time, I’d never had chili that used stew beef instead of ground beef, and I must say, it was a surprising delight. It becomes super tender the longer you cook it, and as time goes on, it keeps softening in your leftovers. Also, bacon and chorizo. Need I say more? The bacon adds a smoky, salty, tender bite, and the chorizo (at least the chorizo I use) gets creamy when cooked, not crumbly like sausage or ground beef, so it thickens things up nicely. Aaaand, now I will conclude my paragraph about different types of meat. Meeeaaaaaattttt.

The ingredient list looks scary and complicated, but for the most part, it’s things you probably have in your kitchen. Lots of spices. Standard veggies. Classic chili toppings of cheese and sour cream. Don’t get frightened off.

Here we go.

Start  by chopping up your stew beef. I got a little over 2 lbs and cut it into baby-appropriate sized pieces (don’t feed it to your baby, though. Raw meat is bad. Don’t tell my dog though.) and cooked it through over whatever temperature you feel like. It doesn’t matter. Drain and dump into your large stockpot. Do the same with your chorizo. I used beef chorizo this time. It doesn’t matter (in my opinion. I’m not a chorizo know-it-all).

beef and chorizo

Then I my veggies. The best part of chili is that you can kind of use whatever you want, so pick whatever veggies you like most. I went classic with peppers and onions and garlic and celery, but you could get seasonal and use some squash and root veggies if you wanted.

onion chopper

In the meantime, fry your bacon. Mmmmmm, bacon. Then save the grease. Sorry, I failed to mention that this recipe is not heart healthy. Just soul healthy.

grease

Because you’re gonna dump ALL YOUR VEGGIES INTO THE GREASE. Muaaahahahahahaah. This is the key to happiness in the Becker household. Bacon, or things fried in grease. Please take care of us when we are 60 and suffering from heart disease. We love you!

veggies in grease

Now the easy part comes. Dump the veggies into the pot, and then empty all the cans and the beer in after them. Look appetizing yet? No is the right answer. Also, about now is the time that you should be finished drinking your two beers. If you feel like you need another, go ahead. After all, it is [insert whatever day or time is currently is].

chili no seasonings

Then throw in the seasonings.

chili seasonings

And then cook on low for 2.5-3 hours. Stir and taste occasionally because you will go crazy if you don’t.

lunches4daze

Bonus: lunches for dayzzzzzzzzz. 10 containers of magical meaty meals.

Eat up, bitches.

INGREDIENTS:
2 pounds ground beef stew meat, cut into bite-size pieces (feel free to substitute with ground chuck beef)
1 pound chorizo
2 (15 ounce) cans chili beans in either medium or hot sauce
1 (28 ounce) can diced tomatoes with juice
1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
1 large yellow onion, chopped
3 stalks celery, chopped small
1 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 Hatch green chile pepper
4 slices fried bacon plus the grease
4 cubes beef bouillon
3 beers (1 for the chili, 2 for consuming immediately yourself)
1/4 cup chili powder
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon minced garlic
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons hot pepper sauce
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 tablespoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon white sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 bag Fritos or oyster crackers
1 package shredded Cheddar cheese
1 container sour cream
DIRECTIONS:
1.
Heat a large pan over medium-high heat. Cook the diced beef and chorizo until the beef is cooked through. Move to the stock pot
2.
Cook the bacon until crispy in the large pan. Crumble into the beef mixture, and keep the grease. Add the chopped peppers, onion, garlic and celery to the grease and sauté until soft.
3.
In the stock pot, add in the veggie mixture, chili beans, tomatoes and paste, bouillon cubes, and beer. Stir to combine. Next, add the spices: chili powder, oregano and basil, Worcestershire sauce, cumin, salt and pepper, hot sauce, paprika, cinnamon and sugar. Stir it well, cover and simmer on low for at least 2.5 hours.
4.
Give it a taste! Adjust seasoning as needed. Serve immediately with the cheese/sour cream/crackers, or wait until the next day. The longer the flavors meld, the tastier it gets!

FULL DISCLOSURE: I ended up eating cookies for dinner. C’est la vie.

Letters.

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Dear Jonny B, Thank you for loving me. The way you look at me makes me melt even after 6 years. Dear weeds, we pulled and pulled until our bodies ached and you still aren’t all gone. Thanks for keeping us humble and making us work hard when we don’t want to. Dear Schlafly, you sure are a pain in our necks, but you are still the cutest and funniest pup and we wouldn’t trade you for a million bucks. A billion, maybe. 😉 Dear St. Louis, thanks for the perfect weather this weekend. Please don’t bring 100 degree days our way. Dear women’s running group, thanks for inspiring me to get involved and step out of my comfort zone and meet new people. You are good for me.

 

This weekend we: went to a Cardinals game (victory!), drank beer outside and enjoyed the first Honey Moon since 1919, cleaned out our garden beds, played at the in-law’s pool, enjoyed homemade skillet pizza and beer on our deck, went to a wonderful church service, and celebrated Father’s Day with Jon’s wonderful grandparents. We are lucky. Here’s to another week full of promise.

Dreamland

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Sorry for the lack of posts, self, you were literally poopin’ all over the world. More on that later.

One thing I really like about myself is my ability to dream extremely vividly. Maybe that’s not a personality trait, but it’s something that’s been happening forever. I used to have very frightening nightmares as a small child, but luckily I grew out of that.

My favorite part of waking up is describing my dreams to my dear husband. They are often very amusing, so I started documenting them for the blog. All these dreams were within the last month. Here we go….

I was at a reunion of some sort. There were people I knew from various stages in my life; high school, work, sports. I had to take a poop. The bathroom was occupied by my kindergarten teacher so I used a different toilet in front of everyone, which was just the toilet bowl balanced on a small table, and it fell over and got poop all over my feet. I realized my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Arndt, saw the whole thing. Then I had to take a shower before I was allowed to use the pool (because obviously it was a pool party), and everybody had to watch.

I didn’t clean my car for a really long time (that is a true fact in real life, also) and seeds sprouted in my front window. They grew to be very tall, leafy weeds. When I tried to pull them out, hundreds of teeny tiny ants fell out and ran all around my car. Maybe I should take this as a sign to both clean my car and weed my garden beds….

My boss, Christine, gave me a $150 bill (because clearly those exist) to buy cupcakes for our summer program. I’m walking around “Salzburg” (which really means a very pedestrian town, no cars) trying to find cupcakes. I get one or two cupcakes here and there but there are no cupcake-specific shops to get a whole bunch from. I run into a camp friend, Sonja, who directs me to a place in Notre Dame, Indiana. I clearly can’t go there because it’s too far away, so I return to my stack of cupcakes by a fountain and there in front of me is a cupcake store called Salt n Pepper.

I was working on a cruise ship and we had to evacuate in Saudi Arabia due to fights aboard the ship. I prepared for an interview on a new boat by bringing the lawyer I wanted to work for half a cupcake (what is with cupcakes in my dreams?). My resume was an immigration form for the USA. On my way, I lost the cupcake and couldn’t find it in the trash. Darn.

Jon and I were driving through Colorado and stopped at a park with trails and a maze (this dream was after we visited Schonnbrunn Palace in Vienna, which has such trails and a maze). We were looking at a map and heard a scuffle between two dogs. I go and tell one of the owners that maybe they should put their dog on a leash before they hurt someone. He gets angry and leaves. The other dog’s owner comes over and she is angry because she and the male owner had just had sex and were going to do it again after their dogs played. Ooops? Then we saw Sara Tucker, a friend from college.

Jon and I and several other people I didn’t recognize but were my BFFs broke into an abandoned building to explore, and then the cops were after us. We ran into a St. Louis Bread Co to hide out in a private room for lunch. Eventually they caught us, and only brought me to jail. Jail was a 7-story building with private “apartments”. Jon and one of my unnamed BFFs moved in also to keep me company. We played cards and ate the jail food, which was delicious, and my mother visited. I was worried I’d have to go to court and it would be a felony.

Mindy Kaling was in Holland regularly and somehow Jon and I became BFFs with The Mindy Project cast. I turn into Adam Palley and decide I want to date Mindy in real life, so I buy her a couple’s massage at a tiny Asian place. The Asian woman running the place turns out to be a little prudish and puts my (aka Adam’s) hands in handcuffs and covers Mindy’s poops with pasties to avoid us getting freaky. At one point I sit on a toilet that has a phone attached to the back. I break the toilet.

My friend Sam was getting married on a Tuesday and two of my early childhood friends that were sisters, Leslie and Laura, were also bridesmaids. One forgot shoes so she called the other sister to bring her shoes. She brought her moccasins. She threw them in a pool to turn into high heels and got upset when I asked what she was doing! Also at that moment my sister ran around to the far end of the pool and jumped in.

At church, a whole bunch of members were going skydiving. They left in the middle of the sermon and we all went outside to watch. In the meantime, someone called us the viking vixens. Yep.

I was at a Parade of Homes show with my brother and sister-in-laws, Patrick and Laura. We were touring a house that was designed by Lady Gaga. She designed a long, curvy lazy river pool with the house in the middle of it. The only decor I remember was a series of 3 paintings that had 2 glass bumps situated in such a way that when you stood back, they looked like boobs. We told the curator (because clearly a house designed by Lady Gaga needs a curator) that they looked like boobs and she said “No! They are NOT BOOBS!” and got very upset. We tried flipping one of the paintings upside down, but it didn’t look right. Turns out Lady Gaga is a design genius.

I saw one of my college friends and her whole sorority were doing a beauty pageant. I decided to do it, too! I show up in the full garb and eat all the cookies and wimp out and leave.

After my failed stint as a pageant queen, I went to someone’s house for a Super Bowl party. I was frying cookies (that were in envelopes with stamps on them) in cheese. Our friend James was there talking to his ex about her new man interest. He said, “I can’t believe you like him! He taped you to him with duct tape to keep you from leaving!”. Then I tried to convince Jon to write his old girlfriend a letter.

That’s all for now. Anyone else have a cookie and cheese craving? Just me? Oh…

On Be(com)ing an Aunt

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Nothing in life (I assume) will bring me greater joy in life than becoming a mom. Whether it’s creating an alien-looking creature out of TWO CELLS (seriously, what a weird concept) with the person you love most, or adopting a precious, loved child that needs a family, having somebody call you “Mommy” or “Daddy” can’t be beat. It’s crazy. And beautiful. Again, I’m assuming. The closest I am to a mother is to my two hilarious fur-babies. But, becoming an aunt is a close second, I suppose. All the perks and almost none of the work! (I say almost, because maybe I’ll change a diaper and feed a bottle. What can I say? I really like the babe’s parents.)

So, since my best friend in the whole universe (S K Dubs-Kneibel) decided to go and get herself knocked up, I compiled a list of emotions I have been having and the chronicles of how we discovered she was with child and other cool aunt-things. It was a cold, January day. I had just left her the day before after a fantastic drunken weekend (and by drunk, baby K, I clearly mean everyone except your mother had a single glass of wine. All of your aunts and uncles are responsible humans, and definitely would never pee under a stairwell or play hide-and-seek or take a video of a hairy butt. Definitely not.) where we had joked she was pregnant just one month after her fantastic wedding and honeymoon. “No way!” she said, “it wasn’t the hole-y baby on my Fertility Tracker those days!” She went to Target and got 4 bottles of wine (got to restock after that completely sober weekend) and a 2-pack of pregnancy tests. Since she wasn’t working at this time, we were texting all day. We chat about our excellent weekend, Heather’s bachelorette party coming up this summer, her nanny job she is starting soon. You know. The important stuff. Finally, after a little persuasion, she decides it’s time.

“Here we go!” she says.

Here are some screenshots for emphasis.

baby1

In case you can’t make it out, there is definitely a plus-sign on that pee stick.

baby2

Definitely pregnant!

So many tears! So much swearing! So much initial denial! But also SO much joy, happiness, and love. A baby. A BABY.

baby3baby4baby5

For the rest of the day our conversations consisted of many a “Holy Shit” and a bunch of “OMGTHERESAFETUSINYOU!” and definitely a “Lydia is a good name for a girl”. But mostly, we shared our excitement together in a way that only best friends can. Baby apps were downloaded (7 for her, 0 for me), celebratory glasses of wine were poured (7 for me, 0 for her), 4-week-old fetus pictures were googled, and we discovered she was due on September 29. MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. If that’s not a sign from God that this was meant to happen, nothing is. We also planned how she would tell Brad, her darling husband. Because he is an athletic trainer at Notre Dame, Sam decided on a Notre Dame onesie in the oven (get the joke? in the oven? like a bun? whatever dude).

But that’s her story, not mine.

onesie

It’s crazy. Literally in the span of two minutes, life is completely changed forever. My best friend, who had just weeks before joined the Mrs. club, was becoming a mom- just like that. It’s one of those moments no one can prepare you for. You feel things you’ve never felt before, you cry tears that you don’t know from what part of your soul they’re coming from. Is it happy? The happiest! Is it confusing? Heck yea. Is it scary? Especially when you remember all the wine you drank just two days prior (again, Baby K, still only talking about me here. DEFINITELY not your mama). I am SO excited for my best friend to become a mommy. If you’ve ever spent more than 60 seconds with her, you know that she is meant to be one. And someday, I can’t wait to join the Mommy club myself. In the meantime, I will love the shit out of this lil pookie.

Love you already, my sweet nibling!

What the f*!$ is wrong with your leg? Part 2

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Day 1, Friday:

Once I got back home, everything that happened the rest of the day was a slight blur (thanks, Percy). I was in a decent amount of pain and just generally uncomfortable. My sweet in-laws brought mexican for us for dinner and I could hardly eat any. I later realized (after a few freak vomit sessions) that my antibiotic was super strong and left me extremely nauseous and light-headed. Luckily I was only on those for 3 days.

I had never felt more helpless and pathetic. I physically and mentally felt fine, I just couldn’t walk and do things I wanted to. I felt like a spoiled brat every time I asked for a glass of water or a snack or for someone to help me take off my pants before bed (sorry for the extreme romance, mangosquash, you are a lucky man). I tried walking a bit because the doctor said I should be able to, but hobbling around with 2 crutches around my tiny house proved pretty difficult. I did figure out a way to make it down to the basement (where the comfiest couch and biggest tv are) by hopping on one leg all the way down.

Iced leg

Sleep eluded me for the first few days. I was stuck in a strange in-between spot where my brain couldn’t seem to fully commit to falling into actual REM sleep. I can only compare it to the mind of someone who is experiencing extreme anxiety (of which I also suffer at times, fun stuff man); thinking so many thoughts and scenarios and ideas all at once and there doesn’t seem to be any sense or order to it. I blame Percy.

Day 2, Saturday:

Saturday was a BEAUTIFUL 70 degree day. My dad and husband went and bought us some new patio chairs, because I broke one of our directors-style chairs as soon as I sat down. Wah. My dad also went to pick up St. Louis-style BBQ for us for lunch from Bogart’s, the greatest place in the world. If you haven’t been and you’re from St. Louis, you are really missing out. We spent most of the day outside which pleased my dog to no end.

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Still in a good deal of pain, and more residual pain seemed to set in. My back hurt from sitting with my leg propped up, my knee hurt from being bent all night, my foot hurt from being so swollen. I’d rate it a 7/10. This is the day when the swelling and bruising really started to set in. Also, whenever I bent over or stretched my leg really at all, I’d get some tingly nerves shooting from my knee area straight down through my toes. Later, my doctor told me that it was because they had to move my nerve out of the way during surgery.

Day 3, Sunday:

My parents flew back to Michigan after spending 4 days with us and I can’t thank them enough for being here with us. I think my poor husband would have killed me. But first, my mother washed my hair for me. What a cutie-cutie-bonding-moment, as she would call it.

mom washing hair

My BFF Samantha also drove in that night to spend the next few days with me while mangosquash went back to work. Having her here was so fantastic; I can’t remember the last time we got to spend so much quality time together. I hadn’t seen her since finding out she was pregnant several weeks before, so it was excellent to chat all things baby. I got to take her 11-week bump shot with our chalkboard. Can’t even wait to be an aunt!

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My pain level was leveling off by this point; still on Percy, but down to 1 pill instead of 2 at a time. Super sore and stiff. About a 6/10 resting, 7/10 when I tried to walk around.

Day 4, Monday:

Spent the entire day outside reading magazines, eating snacks, and chatting about pregnancy and baby names. My in-laws’ wonderful best friend, Maria, came over to pay a visit and brought delicious food and beautiful flowers.

I finally got the guts to take the wrapping off my leg and inspect my stitches. Woah man, SO UGLY. Like a member of the Blue Man Group barfed all over my leg. I was pleasantly surprised with the size of my incisions, though; less than 2 inches in length each. Don’t scroll down if you have a weak stomach.

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Pain the same as before; wavering at about a 6 depending on my activity level. My ankle started hurting a ton from trying to walk more. Because of the swelling and muscle tightness, my foot wasn’t able to bend to a neutral 90 degree angle. Still having lots of tingly shooting fireballs down my leg, though they are getting better.

Day 5, Day 6, Day 7:

These days kind of blend together. Samantha left, and I was left to fend for myself. I also took my first bath/shower in several days. My poor husband. I watched a lot of bad TV and crappy Netflix movies, slept in until noon, and snuggled with my precious cat.

My pain level came down to about a 4 and 5, just super sore and tender.

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Yes. That IS a plate on my bathroom floor. I ate breakfast while I was in the bathtub. It’s fine, I was on vacation.

Day 8, Friday: One week post-surgery

My stitches came out on this day! I can’t believe they were ready to come out; my incisions didn’t look like they had healed at all. Nonetheless, out they came. I was still hobbling on two crutches at this point, sometimes using both feet, but usually just one foot.

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My doctor said everything looked great and instructed me to start physical therapy as soon as possible to build back up my muscle strength, range of motion, and get me back to running! Happy day! He also said I can go back to work whenever I feel strong enough.

Day 9, 10, 11:

Pain still about a 4. I only left the house a few times to visit with my in-laws and go out to eat, and I was starting to get a little antsy by this point! Still on two crutches.

Day 12, Tuesday:

I started physical therapy. My PT was SUPER great. She was a younger girl a year older than me, spunky, cute, really nice. She took measurements of my range of motion. My foot could move about 10 degrees total; not very much (normal range is about 60 degrees), and I couldn’t even get it to neutral (90 degree angle to the shin). I came in on two crutches and she had me walk around the office to observe my gait. I wasn’t able to pick my foot up comfortably; it hurt too much. She stretched out my muscles as much as she could and gave me some at-home stretches and exercises to do and sent me on my way.

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This was also the last FMLA day I was taking; I was returning to work the next day. I spent the rest of my day of vacation (Is that what it was? Sure was relaxing). I was in a fair bit of pain after working so hard at PT; maybe about a 5.

Day 13, Wednesday:

Back to work! I had a total of 8 (week)days off work, and 12 total days. This was a good amount for the surgery I had done. Had I had both legs done, I would certainly have been out at LEAST two weeks, probably more. I can’t imagine trying to walk around and be productive while hindered by two busted legs. One was annoying enough, but manageable.

While my doctor released me to go back to work, I was on “light duty” and unable to drive because my driving leg was the injured one. Oh well, I was lucky to have a chauffer (my sweet Mangosquash) for the next week!

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Work sucked. Flat out awful. It was difficult to get around with my two crutches, my leg wasn’t used to not being propped up and got super swollen causing more pain, I wasn’t in the work mindset (who is after almost two weeks off?), not to mention it was the end of the first quarter, and I had a stupid amount of work to do in the following two weeks. I felt awful, overwhelmed, annoyed, and generally cranky. I pathetically called Mangosquash at about 3 to pleaaaaseeee come get me. He obliged, being the wonderful man he is.

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My leg was so swollen and painful, I think I cried when I got home. Much icing was done and many pain pills were consumed and to bed I went.

Day 14, 15, 16, 17:

My second and third day back to work went better than the first. I weaned myself onto one crutch and was getting around easier, and was walking almost normally.

Two of my college BFFS arrived Friday night to visit for the weekend! They had never been to St. Louis before. We walked around the Arch grounds, did the Budweiser tour, and visited the City Museum. Yes, I did all those things on crutches, minus the City Museum, which was my debut to the crutch-free world! I took it easy and popped a few pain pills beforehand so I could fully enjoy it.

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I woke up with some swelling and stiffness but nothing too bad. Maybe a 3.5 or 4/10. This was the first time I really felt like a productive member of society again.

Day 19, Tuesday:

My PT was pretty concerned with the extreme swelling I was having; she said that this much swelling wasn’t typical. She suggested a medical-grade compression sock (yep, like an old person). I called my doctor up and went in to see him that day. He said “yup!” and wrote me a script for some socks and another for a NSAID.

The socks definitely add a stylish touch to my spring outfits.

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On a brighter note, officially crutch-free! And I was released to resume full duty at work!

April 10, almost 5 weeks post-surgery:

Doctors appointment. Everything is healing well! He tells me I should get another month of PT, which I agree; I’m still so weak and stiff. I’m walking comfortably at this point and doing things with minimal difficulty. The socks were working extremely well; I was having minimal swelling, and my tingling was diminishing greatly.

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April 13:

I RAN! I was slow and walked a lot and rescued a dog (seriously, a tiny shih tzu was walking around a playground alone), but I RAN! And my leg didn’t even hurt! In fact, my left leg hurt more than my right! I went almost 1.5 miles, I’d say about half was a run. My pace while running was about 15 min/mile. I’m fine with that. I cried while running. It felt so gooooood and I was so proud of myself.  I solemnly swear to never take advantage of my working body again!

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Today, April 21:

I ran once more last week while walking the dog. Again, it was super slow, but I’m counting the small victories here.

I got my measurements re-taken at PT last Friday. They are almost exactly the same as my left foot! My ankle measured at +2 degrees, as opposed to -10 at my first appointment. Still feeling super still at times and I have to stretch a lot. It feels like I have a slight pulled calf muscle, and I’m still having some slight shooting tingly pains if I touch the area between my incisions. In general, I am feeling good and walking normal and really forget I even had surgery most of the time.

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I do, however, still have a bunch of numbness around my lower scar and around the big toe area. It’s coming back slowly. I’m coming back slowly. And I’ll be better than before.